Saturday, March 29, 2014

Lying

I lie a lot,

More often than I thought:

In the mirror when I wake up,

To the faces of my family,

Into the eyes of my friends

The truth,

It’s hard, is it not?

If I told them the reality of my pain:

The pulling, the purging,

The obsession, the anxiety, the fear

Would it all go away?

Sunday, March 16, 2014

southernstrong-navystrong:

I cannot reblog this enough

epic 

(Source: rapunzelie)

Monday, March 10, 2014

September 1, 2013

The first time I saw you, I took a mental picture. It was September 1, 2013, around 11:15pm. I didn’t want to forget those eyes, or the way you had your hair tied up. My brothers wedding was a day I dreaded (because, lets face it, we never got along), until you were there. Both of us bridesmaids. Both of us feeling silly in our dresses, trying to keep our balance as we walked on the grass with our heels on. I did your make up. You looked better without it. You have a gap in your teeth, and when you smiled at me I melted a thousand times.. I can’t even begin to describe the feelings I felt that day. We smoked a bowl together out of my tiny elephant, behind a little blue house. We shared the same hotel room, but we weren’t alone. I wanted to share a bed with you. I wanted to share my life with you. I was too afraid to make a move. Now I spend a lot of time wishing I could have kissed you, or at least given you my phone number. You live in Maine. You are so far away, but I still think about you almost every day.

Saturday, March 1, 2014

I am not small,

I am not quiet,

Nobody has ever called me delicate…

Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Trichotillomania update
It’s been quite awhile since I’ve posted anything in regards to my struggle with trichotillomania, and I’ve been getting questions about it lately. I figured I’d write a short little blip for you all who are interested.
Do you still struggle with Trichotillomania?
Yes, everyday. I catch myself pulling my hair out at least 2 times a day. Most often during times of high anxiety. For example, when I am sifting through emails from my boss, clients. I don’t think that this will ever end, and I’ve come to terms with it. Although I continue to pull, the extremity of this disorder has minimized. I no longer have any bald spots, which makes me feel so much better. For those of you still struggling with pulling to the point of baldness, my advice to you is to take time out of your day to write about your problems, and anxiety triggers in a journal. Don’t let problems fester on your mind for too long. I’ve found that this causes me to pull more often and more vigorously than if I vocalize or write down my problems.
Why don’t you talk about Trichotillomania on your blog anymore?
To be honest, I feel that the more focus I put on it, the worse it becomes. I don’t want to remind myself of my pulling, or talk about it more than I need to. I just want to post what I’m thinking and not about one specific part of my life. There are so many great things that I look forward to doing everyday, that I want to remember when I look back on my life: I won’t let my struggle with trichotillomania ruin my happiness or overshadow the great parts of my life.
Anyway, shoot me a private message if you need advice or want to just vent about your problems/struggle with trichotillomania. I’m more than happy to chat.

Trichotillomania update

It’s been quite awhile since I’ve posted anything in regards to my struggle with trichotillomania, and I’ve been getting questions about it lately. I figured I’d write a short little blip for you all who are interested.

Do you still struggle with Trichotillomania?

Yes, everyday. I catch myself pulling my hair out at least 2 times a day. Most often during times of high anxiety. For example, when I am sifting through emails from my boss, clients. I don’t think that this will ever end, and I’ve come to terms with it. Although I continue to pull, the extremity of this disorder has minimized. I no longer have any bald spots, which makes me feel so much better. For those of you still struggling with pulling to the point of baldness, my advice to you is to take time out of your day to write about your problems, and anxiety triggers in a journal. Don’t let problems fester on your mind for too long. I’ve found that this causes me to pull more often and more vigorously than if I vocalize or write down my problems.

Why don’t you talk about Trichotillomania on your blog anymore?

To be honest, I feel that the more focus I put on it, the worse it becomes. I don’t want to remind myself of my pulling, or talk about it more than I need to. I just want to post what I’m thinking and not about one specific part of my life. There are so many great things that I look forward to doing everyday, that I want to remember when I look back on my life: I won’t let my struggle with trichotillomania ruin my happiness or overshadow the great parts of my life.

Anyway, shoot me a private message if you need advice or want to just vent about your problems/struggle with trichotillomania. I’m more than happy to chat.

Thursday, February 20, 2014
donbearsdown:

Bianca Bombshell

sooooo pretty!

donbearsdown:

Bianca Bombshell

sooooo pretty!

Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Well, I’ve got 20 new followers…
Who knew one picture could facilitate such an interest. Unfortunately for you guys, I don’t post much besides my thoughts. Welcome to my brain in the form of writing and photographs, plastered on the internet for strangers to observe.

Well, I’ve got 20 new followers…

Who knew one picture could facilitate such an interest. Unfortunately for you guys, I don’t post much besides my thoughts. Welcome to my brain in the form of writing and photographs, plastered on the internet for strangers to observe.

…forced learning and magic are congenital adversaries. An Unnecessary Woman 
Monday, February 3, 2014

I don’t know how to describe these feelings to people who have never felt this before. It’s the worst part about depression; knowing that you are on a downward spiral, on the verge of hitting rock bottom. Everything starts to fall apart, slowly. Usually it begins with not wanting to wake up. Then I find myself ignoring the clothes I’ve left scattered on my floor, and the heaps of dirty dishes in the sink: I find myself in this moment.

I remember when I was younger and my mom would yell at me to make my bed. It just seemed so illogical to me; Why should I make my bed, when I was just going to mess it up again later? Depression is kind of like that: You just don’t see the point in doing everyday chores, work, etc. because you’re just going to die eventually and nobody is going to care if you didn’t make your bed. You’re convinced that life is pointless. It’s such an empty feeling.

The scariest part is when the desire to communicate with others stops. I become overly introspective. I start thinking about the value of my existence and usually come to the conclusion that it doesn’t have one. I’m just one of 7.5 billion people. If I died today, it wouldn’t be significant. 

Friday, January 10, 2014

Work Out of My Day

Do this workout and feel as happy and get as sweaty as me!

4 Mile Run: 2 miles Mid-Pace, 2 Miles Fast-Pace

KettleBell Swings: 15 minutes 8 two handed swings, 8 Single Swings (BOTH SIDES! DUH!), 8 Suitcase Swings (BOTH SIDES! DUH! I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO TELL YOU TWICE)… Continue same set 6, 4, 2 DONE

Circuit! AMRP in 15 minutes!

15 Kettlebell Swings

10 Pull Ups

15 Sit Ups

15 Weighted Front Squats!

(I got through 3 sets)

Random after workout workout:

10 Minutes Jump Rope

3 sets of 20: Bicep Curls

3 sets of 10: Tricep things

STRETCH YO!