Tuesday, April 29, 2014

I don’t know if I ever shared this with tumblr, but one of my myriad of jobs is as a fitness instructor. I work primarily with children and host classes like “Kids Cardioblast”, “Kids Bootcamp”, etc. I LOVE teaching these classes for so many reasons: 1) I get to play with kids all day, 2) I get to teach kids how to LOVE exercise, and 3) I get to occasionally stand on a soapbox and crush social stigmas about weight, beauty, health, etc. I want to share a story from last night’s class. For the stories sake, I need to share that the kids in this exercise class are between the ages of 6 and 13 years old.

So last night, I’m teaching the two classes above. They are each 30 minutes long and back to back. During these classes, I teach the kids how to exercise and put them through a workout. I also talk to them about the importance of daily exercise. So we just get done with a circuit and all of the kids are panting wildly. There is an equal amount of boys and girls, all of different ages and sizes: big, small, tall, chunky, super thin (we all know kids hit puberty differently. Some kids spurt up and get super thin, others stay short and get a little chubs. Anyways, they are all pooped out, and so I take this opportunity to talk to them about the heart. I ask them to put their hand over their hearts, and with their other hands show me what it feels like by opening and closing their fists as fast or slow as their heart is beating. All of them show me excitedly. I then explain to them, that the most important muscle is your heart and that the type of exercise we do in these classes is super important in keeping it healthy. As I’m talking, I notice a girl (on the younger side… around 7 or 8) has her hand raised. I stop talking to take her questions, but it turns out to be a horrifying statement. She says, in all seriousness, “It’s also really a great way to get skinny.” She says this so matter of factually, and as if it is just as important, if not more so, to be skinny as it is to have a healthy heart… I fell apart inside. I had to get really serious with the kids. I told them to never equate their health and well being with their weight, and to never strive to be any particular size. I told them to just live and love themselves. 

I really hope they were listening. I find it so sad that kids are still obsessing over their size, and their image. I wish that people would stop worrying about how they look and start worrying more about their actual health. I JUST WANT PEOPLE TO REALIZE THAT WEIGHT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH BEING HEALTHY! FAT DOES NOT EQUAL UNHEALTHY!

Okay rant over.

Can everyone just promise to be positive and loving and not make such a big deal about their bodies around kids? 

I moved out!

I moved out last month, and hot damn does it feel good!

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Lying

I lie a lot,

More often than I thought:

In the mirror when I wake up,

To the faces of my family,

Into the eyes of my friends

The truth,

It’s hard, is it not?

If I told them the reality of my pain:

The pulling, the purging,

The obsession, the anxiety, the fear

Would it all go away?

Sunday, March 16, 2014

southernstrong-navystrong:

I cannot reblog this enough

epic 

(Source: rapunzelie)

Monday, March 10, 2014

September 1, 2013

The first time I saw you, I took a mental picture. It was September 1, 2013, around 11:15pm. I didn’t want to forget those eyes, or the way you had your hair tied up. My brothers wedding was a day I dreaded (because, lets face it, we never got along), until you were there. Both of us bridesmaids. Both of us feeling silly in our dresses, trying to keep our balance as we walked on the grass with our heels on. I did your make up. You looked better without it. You have a gap in your teeth, and when you smiled at me I melted a thousand times.. I can’t even begin to describe the feelings I felt that day. We smoked a bowl together out of my tiny elephant, behind a little blue house. We shared the same hotel room, but we weren’t alone. I wanted to share a bed with you. I wanted to share my life with you. I was too afraid to make a move. Now I spend a lot of time wishing I could have kissed you, or at least given you my phone number. You live in Maine. You are so far away, but I still think about you almost every day.

Saturday, March 1, 2014

I am not small,

I am not quiet,

Nobody has ever called me delicate…

Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Trichotillomania update
It’s been quite awhile since I’ve posted anything in regards to my struggle with trichotillomania, and I’ve been getting questions about it lately. I figured I’d write a short little blip for you all who are interested.
Do you still struggle with Trichotillomania?
Yes, everyday. I catch myself pulling my hair out at least 2 times a day. Most often during times of high anxiety. For example, when I am sifting through emails from my boss, clients. I don’t think that this will ever end, and I’ve come to terms with it. Although I continue to pull, the extremity of this disorder has minimized. I no longer have any bald spots, which makes me feel so much better. For those of you still struggling with pulling to the point of baldness, my advice to you is to take time out of your day to write about your problems, and anxiety triggers in a journal. Don’t let problems fester on your mind for too long. I’ve found that this causes me to pull more often and more vigorously than if I vocalize or write down my problems.
Why don’t you talk about Trichotillomania on your blog anymore?
To be honest, I feel that the more focus I put on it, the worse it becomes. I don’t want to remind myself of my pulling, or talk about it more than I need to. I just want to post what I’m thinking and not about one specific part of my life. There are so many great things that I look forward to doing everyday, that I want to remember when I look back on my life: I won’t let my struggle with trichotillomania ruin my happiness or overshadow the great parts of my life.
Anyway, shoot me a private message if you need advice or want to just vent about your problems/struggle with trichotillomania. I’m more than happy to chat.

Trichotillomania update

It’s been quite awhile since I’ve posted anything in regards to my struggle with trichotillomania, and I’ve been getting questions about it lately. I figured I’d write a short little blip for you all who are interested.

Do you still struggle with Trichotillomania?

Yes, everyday. I catch myself pulling my hair out at least 2 times a day. Most often during times of high anxiety. For example, when I am sifting through emails from my boss, clients. I don’t think that this will ever end, and I’ve come to terms with it. Although I continue to pull, the extremity of this disorder has minimized. I no longer have any bald spots, which makes me feel so much better. For those of you still struggling with pulling to the point of baldness, my advice to you is to take time out of your day to write about your problems, and anxiety triggers in a journal. Don’t let problems fester on your mind for too long. I’ve found that this causes me to pull more often and more vigorously than if I vocalize or write down my problems.

Why don’t you talk about Trichotillomania on your blog anymore?

To be honest, I feel that the more focus I put on it, the worse it becomes. I don’t want to remind myself of my pulling, or talk about it more than I need to. I just want to post what I’m thinking and not about one specific part of my life. There are so many great things that I look forward to doing everyday, that I want to remember when I look back on my life: I won’t let my struggle with trichotillomania ruin my happiness or overshadow the great parts of my life.

Anyway, shoot me a private message if you need advice or want to just vent about your problems/struggle with trichotillomania. I’m more than happy to chat.

Thursday, February 20, 2014
donbearsdown:

Bianca Bombshell

sooooo pretty!

donbearsdown:

Bianca Bombshell

sooooo pretty!

Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Well, I’ve got 20 new followers…
Who knew one picture could facilitate such an interest. Unfortunately for you guys, I don’t post much besides my thoughts. Welcome to my brain in the form of writing and photographs, plastered on the internet for strangers to observe.

Well, I’ve got 20 new followers…

Who knew one picture could facilitate such an interest. Unfortunately for you guys, I don’t post much besides my thoughts. Welcome to my brain in the form of writing and photographs, plastered on the internet for strangers to observe.

…forced learning and magic are congenital adversaries. An Unnecessary Woman