Okay my followers: I just wanted to share these pictures, because I am really proud of myself… I might go off on tangents in this post because there is a lot on my mind and so this post will have lots of topics involved in it.
Firstly, I would like to explain that I am all about body positivity, and I personally find that most bodies of women are sexy in their own unique way. The only two body types that I am not utterly stunned by, and attracted towards are the unhealthy types(for example, morbidly obese, or extremely underweight). This is because I am health conscious, and when I see bodies that exhibit an unhealthy and dangerous lifestyle, I am immediately turned off. This doesn’t mean that I think that morbidly obese people, and extremely thin women shouldn’t love themselves and their bodies… I in fact think the opposite. When I see women, and men, who are living in their bodies at an unhealthy state, it is clear to me that they are struggling with something in their lives. This could be their body acceptance itself, or it could be other life issues, like depression, anxiety, or other outside influences on our health… I know that this doesn’t apply to everyone, and there are plenty of women and men who just love being obese or extremely thin… Anyway, for me, I prefer to look fit. I think for me, by body is sexiest when I look fit. Being fit, is also a huge indicator of how much I am accepting and loving myself. It’s proof that I am not bingeing anymore, I am not laying in bed all day, depressed about life (although, I still occasionally find myself in this position), and I’m spending my time doing things that I love. Just as a full head of hair, with no bald patches proves that I am not having many issues with Trichotillomania, a healthy looking body proves that I am not having many issues with depression and anxiety.
The first picture was taken 1 year ago. At the time I was engaged to be married, and thought I was happy. I was 5’7” and 165-170 pounds. Looking back, I realize that I was not happy at all. I was covering my problems up by excessively eating and blanketing myself with the love of someone else. Rather than looking deeply inside myself, analyzing my problems, and learning to love myself, I was hiding it all and living a “dream” which happened to be more of a nightmare. I lost myself in someone else. I conformed to what he wanted in a woman. I stopped being an artist, I stopped playing music, I stopped doing yoga, I ignored my needs…I stopped caring about what I wanted, because I only cared to be what he wanted. I thought that was what love was: compromise, was the word I loved to use to convince myself that it was normal to give up on me… Long story short, this was not a healthy way of thinking. I started lashing out, I became miserable and treated my Ex awfully for the last 2 months of our relationship. He didn’t deserve any of it, it wasn’t his fault. I didn’t love him. And finally it got to the point where we both decided to go our separate ways. At first, this was awful… I had become so dependent upon his love, I hadn’t realized how much I didn’t love myself. I went into a deep depression, that I am still pulling myself out of, but everyday I get closer to happiness. All the things I was avoiding dealing with about myself came to the surface all at once. I didn’t know how to handle it all. I was overwhelmed and everyday was a struggle…..
Fast forward to today, the second picture of me was taken a few days ago. I am 11 pounds lighter now, and much more fit than I was. I see this as huge progress in my self acceptance and my happiness. I am proud to say that I am a different woman now. I am glad I went through what I did, and I don’t regret a single action or thought, because I learned many lessons along the way. I also gained a friend, I’ll never forget. My ex and I are still good friends, and he has helped me through so much. I don’t know if he will always be apart of my life, but I will never forget how he helped me.
I guess I just have been reflecting on my past a lot lately, and I wanted to share it with you all, and hopefully inspire and motivate you all to make positive life changes, and to face your issues head on.
Much Love to all of you