I don’t know if I ever shared this with tumblr, but one of my myriad of jobs is as a fitness instructor. I work primarily with children and host classes like “Kids Cardioblast”, “Kids Bootcamp”, etc. I LOVE teaching these classes for so many reasons: 1) I get to play with kids all day, 2) I get to teach kids how to LOVE exercise, and 3) I get to occasionally stand on a soapbox and crush social stigmas about weight, beauty, health, etc. I want to share a story from last night’s class. For the stories sake, I need to share that the kids in this exercise class are between the ages of 6 and 13 years old.
So last night, I’m teaching the two classes above. They are each 30 minutes long and back to back. During these classes, I teach the kids how to exercise and put them through a workout. I also talk to them about the importance of daily exercise. So we just get done with a circuit and all of the kids are panting wildly. There is an equal amount of boys and girls, all of different ages and sizes: big, small, tall, chunky, super thin (we all know kids hit puberty differently. Some kids spurt up and get super thin, others stay short and get a little chubs. Anyways, they are all pooped out, and so I take this opportunity to talk to them about the heart. I ask them to put their hand over their hearts, and with their other hands show me what it feels like by opening and closing their fists as fast or slow as their heart is beating. All of them show me excitedly. I then explain to them, that the most important muscle is your heart and that the type of exercise we do in these classes is super important in keeping it healthy. As I’m talking, I notice a girl (on the younger side… around 7 or 8) has her hand raised. I stop talking to take her questions, but it turns out to be a horrifying statement. She says, in all seriousness, “It’s also really a great way to get skinny.” She says this so matter of factually, and as if it is just as important, if not more so, to be skinny as it is to have a healthy heart… I fell apart inside. I had to get really serious with the kids. I told them to never equate their health and well being with their weight, and to never strive to be any particular size. I told them to just live and love themselves.
I really hope they were listening. I find it so sad that kids are still obsessing over their size, and their image. I wish that people would stop worrying about how they look and start worrying more about their actual health. I JUST WANT PEOPLE TO REALIZE THAT WEIGHT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH BEING HEALTHY! FAT DOES NOT EQUAL UNHEALTHY!
Okay rant over.
Can everyone just promise to be positive and loving and not make such a big deal about their bodies around kids?
I moved out!
I moved out last month, and hot damn does it feel good!
I lie a lot,
More often than I thought:
In the mirror when I wake up,
To the faces of my family,
Into the eyes of my friends
It’s hard, is it not?
If I told them the reality of my pain:
The pulling, the purging,
The obsession, the anxiety, the fear
Would it all go away?
September 1, 2013
The first time I saw you, I took a mental picture. It was September 1, 2013, around 11:15pm. I didn’t want to forget those eyes, or the way you had your hair tied up. My brothers wedding was a day I dreaded (because, lets face it, we never got along), until you were there. Both of us bridesmaids. Both of us feeling silly in our dresses, trying to keep our balance as we walked on the grass with our heels on. I did your make up. You looked better without it. You have a gap in your teeth, and when you smiled at me I melted a thousand times.. I can’t even begin to describe the feelings I felt that day. We smoked a bowl together out of my tiny elephant, behind a little blue house. We shared the same hotel room, but we weren’t alone. I wanted to share a bed with you. I wanted to share my life with you. I was too afraid to make a move. Now I spend a lot of time wishing I could have kissed you, or at least given you my phone number. You live in Maine. You are so far away, but I still think about you almost every day.
I am not small,
I am not quiet,
Nobody has ever called me delicate…